


Contemplation

by ThirteenthMouse6572



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Inspired by Real Events, It’s midnight and I just want to post this, Post-Break Up, Probably doesn’t make much sense, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 01:55:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17798918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenthMouse6572/pseuds/ThirteenthMouse6572
Summary: Felix wonders things late at night in bed





	Contemplation

**Author's Note:**

> if you’re the person this is directed towards, hi
> 
> if you aren’t, hope you enjoy my midnight ramblings

Felix knew that the relationship wouldn’t last. Of course it wouldn’t, really. It surprised Felix that it lasted so long to begin with. There had been a couple bumps - one being a mountain and all of them being Felix’s fault - and somehow it still stayed together.

When Felix found out about Chris’ not-so-little crush on Woojin, they knew it was bound to end soon enough. When Chris and Woojin got together and Felix was left behind, Felix couldn’t bring themselves to tell Chris how they felt, let alone bring up the fact that they should probably break up, not wanting to ruin the happiness Chris exuded whenever he talked about Woojin.

When Chris broke up with Woojin, Felix still couldn’t bring themselves to mention breaking up, deciding to wait a while so that Chris didn’t have to go through two break-ups in a short span of time.

Felix really should have gotten it into their head to not get their hopes up when they went to the movies, but they did anyway. The hopes were satisfied from the start of the movie, all the way to the train ride home, and collapsed with Felix’s collapsing onto the living room couch.

Chris wasn’t like Felix. Chris didn’t like Felix. At least, not the way he liked Woojin and Minho. Minho was nice, Felix had been told. Slightly intimidating with his ‘confident gay’ attitude, but nice nonetheless. Felix hoped that Minho would make Chris happy for a long time.

Felix usually wonders if they should have broken up with Chris earlier. Maybe it would make it less daunting to read the inevitable ‘we’re not friends anymore’ text, which still sat unread a month after it was sent. Maybe they wouldn’t feel so guilty every time they saw Chris at school.

Quietly, to themselves in bed late at night, Felix wondered if Chris really loved them the way they did him. Not romantically, no, but strongly. The way Chris loved his partners. A part of Felix says that he didn’t, but another part says that he did.

Felix wants to believe the latter.

If Felix could go back in time, they contemplate on that same night in bed, they wouldn’t ask Chris to be their partner on a late December night, post-mental breakdown. Maybe it wouldn’t have brought so much pain. Wouldn’t it just be easier if it never happened? Chris could freely love without Felix in the way, and Felix could be happily alone, playing one of the too-many Pokémon DS games they accumulated over Christmas.

That seems like it was an ideal future. Unfortunately, nothing is ideal. That’s a life lesson Felix is never going to forget.

**Author's Note:**

> Young children, here’s a lesson: Your partner isn’t required to give you 100% of their attention, 24/7/365. They have a life as well. That said, they also shouldn’t give you 0% of their attention. You gotta find a healthy middle, as Bo Burnham once said.
> 
> Another lesson: Don’t lie to people. Lying makes things significantly worse than they should be. Take it from me.


End file.
